Chapter 4
The coastal city’s air is humid, but I’m not used to it, having grown up in the North. That sticky feeling isn’t exactly unpleasant; it’s more of a new experience.
I wander aimlessly every day, traversing street after street.
Seeing a coffee shop with a “Barista Wanted” sign, I casually push the door open.
and enter.
Fifteen minutes later, I come out still excited by my sudden impulse.
I’d gotten my barista certification long ago but never had a chance to use it.
My parents were well–off, and I was entirely focused on Lance.
They often felt they owed him, and I was even more afraid of not taking good enough care of him.
But over a decade of walking on eggshells only led to one humiliation after
another.
Lance once hoped to follow in his father’s footsteps and become a police officer. But his mother’s tearful pleas won out: “Do you want me to bury my own child?” Later, he studied finance in college and smoothly entered the workforce after graduation.
My dad nearly exhausted all his connections to help Lance’s career.
But every time Lance came back from a business dinner, he’d stare at me coldly. “Your family sure knows how to make me hang my head in shame.”
He asked me more than once: “Samantha, do you owe me, or do I owe you?” In these tangled questions, I knew he didn’t want to love me.
And he never would.
But just like the curfew, just like how he’s now persistently calling me from unknown numbers.
He won’t love me, but he won’t let me go either.
What’s the point?
While working at the coffee shop, I keep thinking as I make latte art.
To him, I’m probably just like an accidental drop of milk foam on an espresso.
Everything lost is blamed on that one drop, even if it’s just by chance.
1/3
04
Understanding this, I’ve let it go and forgiven myself.
Tanya Pierce was like a guillotine hanging over my heart.
I was always afraid of when it might fall, but now everything has settled. From the moment I saw them embracing, I stopped loving him.
The thirty–day cooling–off period flew by, and I booked a flight back. Just as I walked out of the airport, a hand suddenly grabbed my arm.
My suitcase was taken from me, and I nearly stumbled.
Lance walked ahead, pulling me along without looking back. “I thought you
weren’t coming back.”
How could this be?
I counted the days, anticipating this moment more eagerly than I ever longed for his approval before.
As I tried to pull my hand away, I found his grip tightening even more. In the past, I would have endured it, but not anymore. “It hurts. Let go.” He abruptly halted, his hand losing its strength and loosening its grip. I rubbed my wrist as I walked forward. “Don’t worry, I won’t change my When we reached the car, he hurried ahead to open the passenger door. I froze, then reached for the back door and got in.
mind.
He stood there for a long time, then suddenly slammed the door shut with force and returned to the front seat.
As the car started, he maintained his cold demeanor.
‘Samantha, is this charade really necessary? If you’re upset, why can’t you just say
it?TM
Unable to understand his sudden outburst, I pondered before responding slowly. “Some girls mind others sitting in the front. I don’t want Ms. Taylor to misunderstand you.”
He persisted in his questioning, relentless.
“Why did you block me? I called so many times, why didn’t you answer?”
I realized he, like me, had unconsciously developed habits over these past years.
23
04
The habit of questioning me, the habit of demanding my unconditional
compliance.
But in this past month, I had completed my transformation regarding him.
Even under this interrogation, I felt not panic, but irritation.
“I didn’t want to answer. Your constant calls were annoying me. Is that reason enough?”
His sudden brake nearly sent me crashing into the seat in front.
I was stunned to see him turn, his face contorted with rage as if he might tear me
apart at any moment.
“Annoying? Samantha, who caused my father’s death? You find me annoying?” All those exhausting moments from our life together came flooding back. One after another, his accusations and mockery.
But at this moment, not a ripple stirred in my heart.
I was so calm it was as if he no longer deserved any explanation from me. “Drive. Once we get the certificate, we’ll have nothing to do with each other.
anymore.”
