Chapter 23 – An Unbearable Pain
The line went silent at my mention of divorce. Even though I’d told Alexis that I didn’t even know what the best course of action was right now, like an idiot, I blurted it out anyway.
It’s not like I was truly considering it, but the thought lingered in my mind that maybe he had considered divorce before. After all, it was made apparent that his priorities were elsewhere.
“What did you say? Are you serious right now?”
“You heard what I said.” I said as I fought back tears. “Why did you marry me? Did you even want to? Because it’s obvious to me that you care about Lily way more!”
“Are you drunk or something?” Victor asked in a more serious tone. “We can’t have a conversation like this if you’re not sober.”
I scoffed. “I am sober, and you need to answer my question! Have you ever wanted to divorce me or not?!”
I braced myself for the worst possible answer, even though I wasn’t sure if I could take it. I was just so tired of feeling like I was getting caught up in my own marriage between Victor and Lily. I wanted a clear answer.
This is too drastic of a shift in behavior for me to believe you’re sober. Look, we’ll talk in the morning, okay? Just
get some rest.”
Before I could even say anything, Victor hung up the phone on me.
I knew I wasn’t in the right state of mind to have this conversation–I knew it! But I couldn’t just drop it. Not when the thread I was hanging onto was so thin.
I dropped to the floor and bawled my eyes out. A heavy stream of tears flowed like a coursing river.
Alexis sat next to me and rubbed my back. “Let it all out, girly. I’m here for you.”
This was the first time I’d even mentioned divorce, even though I definitely didn’t want to. I knew that the situation had triggered me and I wasn’t thinking correctly
But what hurt me the most was Victor’s response, his lack of reassurance, or affirmation that he cared for me. I just wanted to feel loved and secured in the relationship we built. Was I truly asking for too much?
And him avoiding my question and not even saying he wouldn’t divorce me made me think that he had thought about it at some point.
I cried so hard that my chest hurt. Was this how our marriage was going to end? Because of Lily, everything I’d worked so hard for in this marriage would’ve been for nothing
It was like my world was falling apart.
“Go sit on the couch, Em.” Alexis coaxed me gently. “I’ll finish making the burgers so you can get something to eat, okay?”
I could only muster enough energy to nod my head as I dragged myself to her living room. After some had passed that I didn’t care to keep track of, Alexis joined me with a full plate of burgers and some fries.
“Make sure you eat, or you’re going to get a headache.” Alexis nudged me. “You need a clear head so you can figure out how to deal with this asshole.”
“I don’t know what to do, Lexi.” I pouted. “I hate how hard this is! Why is it so hard for him to just show me that
he cares about me? Why can’t he put me first like a husband is supposed to do for his wife? Am I going crazy?”
“Ah, ah! No, you’re not going crazy. Victor’s just a dumbass.” Alexis shook her head. “He’s always been so damn stubborn, but it is clear that you love him with how hard you fight for this relationship.
“I don’t know how much I have left in me… I don’t want to be the only one fighting for this–for us. I don’t even want to deal with it! Not with him, and definitely not with her. L…” I let out a deep sigh. “I’m just so tired…”
H
“I know you are. But you’ve never been the one to back down from anything.” Alexis placed her hand on mine. Don’t let that psycho bitch win. Victor is yours and she needs to learn that. You don’t have to do anything tonight, but you do need to face this head on.”
I nodded my head and finally felt okay enough to eat some food. Alexis always gave the best advice, and was always supportive of my decisions no matter how long it took me to make them.
Once nighttime came around, I found it hard to sleep, however. All I could think about was my phone call with Victor and it just made my heart ache. I knew I needed to figure out exactly what this relationship was supposed to be, but after today, I wasn’t sure if I could face him. I didn’t even know what to say to him.
It all just felt impossible.
Suddenly my phone buzzed from the nightstand, jolting me from my thoughts.
To my surprise, it was a text from Victor
Victor: Hey, Em. I hope you’re not asleep. If you’re not, can you look outside the window?
1 furrowed my eyebrows in confusion. Look outside?
I shot up out of bed and pulled back the curtains and there he was!
Right outside on Alexis’s front lawn, there Victor stood!
